Dirty
by awindowtothepast
Summary: rated for nondescriptive rape. How do you deal after being violated in the worst way possible? You turn to your potions master. one shot songfic


**Dirty**

Disclaimer: Don't own anything Harry Potter-related (except the plot) and don't own Evanescence... boo-hoo.

OK so the song is Tourniquet, by Evanescence, pretty much the only band worthy of my time. Anywho, enjoy! Please leave a review (criticism accepted and desired).

* * *

_I tried to kill the pain  
But only brought more..._

Zabini shoved Hermione against the wall and pinned her arms up above her head. Hermione tried to break free of his grasp, but Zabini's weight was too much for her small frame to throw off.

"Stop fighting this, Granger!" Zabini said feircely. "You know you want this!"

"No, please! Stop!" Hermione pleaded, but Zabini ignored her and kept up his attack on Hermione's body. Suddenly, as Zabini forced himself into her, Hermione's body errupted in pain, and her world went black.

_I lay, dying,  
And I'm pouring  
Crimson regret and betrayal..._

"Not a word of this to anyone!" Zabini hissed after Hermione woke up. He left quickly, leaving Hermione to slump down onto the library's carpeted floor. Blood slowly trickled down her legs, and tears slowly trickled down her face.

As soon as she could, Hermione stood and shakily walked to the Gryffindor common room, and sank down on a couch. Hermione suddenly felt dirty.

She ran to the bathroom and started scraping furiously at her face, her arms, at any bare skin, trying to get rid of the filth. But it wasn't enough.

Hermione grabbed a razor. She drew it swiftly across the underside of her arm, making a deep cut. She felt dirty, inside and out. Maybe getting rid of her tainted blood would ease the sickening feeling.

_I'm dying, praying,  
Bleeding and screaming..._

Hermione cut deeper and deeper, ignoring the stinging pain and watching her filthy blood flow down into the bathroom sink.

_Am I too lost to be saved?  
Am I too lost?..._

Throughout the next month, Hermione fell behind in her classes and started skippink meals. During the classes, Hermione wouldn't listen to the lecture; she spent each hour thinking of her need to rid her body of Blaise Zabini's impurity. She spent meals in the girls' bathroom with a razor.

_Do you remember me?  
Lost for so long...  
Will you be on the other side  
Or will you forget me?..._

"Hermione, come on. We're gonna be late for potions," Harry said, pulling Hermione to her feet and towards the common room entrance.

"Maybe I'll just stay here..." Hermione said slowly. And remove this filth from my body, her mind finished.

"Oh, come _on_!" Harry was oblivious to Hermione's condition. He didn't notice how poorly she was doing in her classes, how she skipped almost every meal to bleed. He didn't notice the cuts on Hermione's arms, nor the bits of dried blood on her sleeves. He didn't notice, Ron didn't notice. No one noticed.

And no one cared.

_Am I too lost to be saved?  
Am I too lost?..._

Hermione followed Harry and Ron down into the dungeons and took a seat without them in the back of the classroom. Time slipped by slowly as Hermione scratched at her arm and thought longingly about the razor hidden under her pillow.

"Miss Granger!" Snape barked. "See me after class!"

At the bell, Harry and Ron left without so much as a glance at Hermione. Some friends, she thought savagely. The rest of the class filtered out of Snape's classroom, and Hermione approached the teacher's desk. "You wanted to see me?" she said, somewhat afraid.

"Miss Granger, I believe you owe me an explanation as to why you've been slacking off in class," Snape said. "And I must ask you to refrain from bleeding on my desk," he added, staring at Hermione's hand as a tiny stream of blood dripped down it and landed on his desk.

"Sorry," Hermione said hastily, wiping her hand quickly on her skirt.

"Miss Granger, let me see your arms."

Hermione rolled up the sleeves of her blouse and showed the potions teacher her arms. Snape gasped as he took in the scars, cuts and drying blood on Hermione's arms. "Merlin... Hermione, why would you do this to yourself?"

Hermione told him everything.

_My wounds cry for the grave,  
My soul cries for deliverance.  
Will I be denied  
Christ? Tourniquet?  
My suicide..._

"I will help you throught this, Hermione," Snape said gently. "This wasn't your fault. I'm here for you."

"Why?" Hermione questioned.

"Because you don't deserve this, and you're too bright to just waste away like this."

"Thank you, Professor."

Snape stood, and took Hermione's hand in his own. "Shall we go to dinner?" he suggested.

Hermione nodded, and went with Snape up to the Great Hall, where she had her first meal in a week.

* * *

Hurray! My first sonfic! I am soooo proud! lol sorry... I wrote this in music class today, and if you think it sucks, then I'd probably agree. Lemme explain why though. In music class, we had to watch Grease. Now you probably like that movie (everyone in my class does) but I hate it. I hate it with a passion. With every fibre in my being... you get it, yeah? I detest said movie. So if it sucks, I can hardly be blamed as i was going through ass-numbingly dull torture at the time I wrote it. Anyways, please read a review! lol and I'll try to get a chappie of Love is Like A Toilet Seat up tonight and one of Emptyness as soon as inspiration calls, m'Kay Tori? (seeing as how you'll probably be my first reviewer... luv ya platonically!) Virtual cookies to the first two reviewers (unless it's Sylvie, you can have real cookies when I see you next :D)

all for now,  
Jibs


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